Footballs coming home*
*[yes… the lack of apostrophe is deliberate rather than a sign of illiteracy. Bear with me…]
The lion and the frog!! (1803)
Oxford, Bodleian Library Curzon b.12(54): https://digital.bodleian.ox.ac.uk/objects/340201b5-d072-4553-bf94-8f5f3674e41c/
There are some values which Robert holds especially dear, and as several of you know (and more will no doubt have guessed), patriotism and being A Good Englishman feature prominently in those values.
He’s not, however, really into the sporting variety of patriotism. The closest he’s come to that is a now-discontinued spell of annual visits to Headingley, but that was more in the interests of male bonding with his two closest friends from school and the beer tent. The cricket itself tended to be more an excuse than a focus, and was mentioned to me over the years in rather vague terms.*
*[I’m sure that said vagueness had nothing whatsoever to do with the beer tent. Or indeed one year’s industrial quantities of the sponsor’s promotional wine. How could one even think otherwise?]
My own views on patriotism and what makes A Good Englishman differ somewhat from Robert’s, but we are on precisely the same page when it comes to national football. Even we, however, noticed that there was something going on along those lines recently. We gather that it went very well until it didn’t, but we hope that there is now enough distance between then and now for those who do care about such things not to feel the sting of what follows here quite so keenly.
We’re uncertain as to Duffy’s views on Queen and Country or, indeed, whether or not she was hoping that football would be coming home, as we were all frequently assured.
Nevertheless, a football came to this particular home, due to its being sturdy-looking and heavily discounted at the local Co-op.
Look how proud of it she is. See how tenderly she’s guarding it.
What could possibly go wrong…?
…Nothing surely.
…Ah. But how on earth did that happen?
Well this is still quite gentle, right…? …Oh.
OK. I concede that we may now be in a tenderness-lite zone…
Perhaps she’s trying to tell us something? What is it, Duffy? Has Timmy perhaps fallen down the well?? Or is it simply a sportsing metaphor?
Surely this gentle creature couldn’t be wantonly cruel to any defenceless football (let alone an Eng-ur-laannd football)?
BREAKING NEWS
Recently rediscovered footage suggests that Duffy has form on the football-worrying front.
Regular readers may recall that we recently shared some of the lessons we have learnt since embarking upon our life with a lurcher. It seems that we spoke too soon with regard to Lesson 9 (i.e. Do not, under any circumstances, be a toy.), so voila a refinement:
Lesson 9a. No really. Trust us. It will not end well.
Postscript.
“Sorry Your Duffyness. What was that you said? ‘You’re truly sorry, and won’t do it again’? Oh alright then. Given that you clearly really mean it, and you intended no slur against Queen, Country, or Eng-ur-laannd. All is forgiven.”
…And yet…
