In case of emergency…
Oops!
aka James Gillray, Elements of skateing - a fundamental error in the art of skaiting (1805)
London, National Portrait Gallery, NPG D12852
See: https://www.npg.org.uk/collections/search/portrait/mw62720/Elements-of-skateing---a-fundamental-error-in-the-art-of-skaiting
Well it was always going to happen sooner or later…
…And it duly happened during today’s Age of Charlemagne taster course.
Robert was in full flight upstairs in his study and I was working online on something boring and official downstairs, when my internet connection froze.
This occasionally happens when Robert’s zooming, but crucially, until now it’s not interfered with his zooming, and all is soon well again once I’ve stopped what I’m doing and waited a wee while for the internet elves to catch up with what we’ve been asking of them.*
*[It is elves that keep the internet going, right…?]
The key phrase in that last sentence is, of course, “until now”.
On this occasion, there was a different script…
Robert, having been abandoned by the internet elves
aka James Gillray, Maniac-ravings - or - little Boney in a strong fit (1803)
London, National Portrait Gallery, NPG D12811
See: https://www.npg.org.uk/collections/search/portrait/mw62678/Napolon-Bonaparte-Maniac-ravings---or---little-Boney-in-a-strong-fit---
Robert [wailing from upstairs]: “Jooo-annnn-aaaa…??”
Joanna [hollering daintily(ish) in reply]: “It’s OK. I’m working on it. Give me a minute.”
[Joanna fiddles with keyboard and internet connection with one hand, grabs phone with the other hand. The internet elves remain unobliging.]
Robert [still upstairs, now wailing at a higher pitch]: “Daaarling?? The internet’s not working.”
Joanna [trying to sound calming]: “It’s down for me too. I’m just trying to sort it.”
Robert [higher still]: “But it’s not working. And I’m doing a course. What will they think?”
Joanna, not entirely managing to be calm and unflappable, despite her calming reassurances to Robert
aka James Gillray, Advantages of wearing muslin dresses - dedicated to the serious attention of the Fashionable Ladies of Great Britain (1802)
London, British Museum, 1851,0901.1079
See: https://www.britishmuseum.org/collection/object/P_1851-0901-1079
Joanna [shielding her delicate sensibilities from the expletives now emanating from the study]: “I’ve got everyone’s contact details so I’m starting to send texts now. Try to reconnect on your computer, and if that doesn’t work, switch off the broadband router and switch it on again.”
Robert [still high]: “I’m doing that. But what if we can’t get back on?? What will they think? Oh nooo. It’s not working…”
Joanna [mistyping number for the second text message]: “Try the router darling. Don’t worry. Everyone will understand.”
[More expletives from the study.]
Joanna [mistyping number for the third message whilst trying to reconnect to the internet with the other hand]: “It’s OK. We’ll reschedule it. Don’t worry. We’ll find a time everyone can do. Have you done the router? It’ll be fine.”
[The little internet connection icon on Joanna’s screen reappears. Robert has clearly uttered a magic prayer to the internet elves, and then logged back in to zoom.]
Robert [mightily relieved]: “Oh thank goodness! Hello everyone. I’m so pleased to see you! Our internet crashed…”
[As Robert is talking, Joanna receives a text and two emails from concerned students, and is also mightily relieved. She logs back into zoom. Robert and Joanna gabble incoherently, with grovelling apologies and relief. Everyone who had been patiently awaiting their return is very lovely. Impressively, Robert has rediscovered his usual voice by the time he says…]
Robert [sounding like Robert again]: “Aaaand I’m sharing my screen with you now…”
End scene.*
*[Disclaimer. We can neither confirm nor deny the accuracy of the account presented above. Any similarity to actual events or people, living or dead, may or may not be coincidental.]
Me, helping Robert recuperate after the session
Once the session had finished, we agreed that we should suggest an In Case Of Emergency protocol, lest it should happen again. So…
Alas, there’s little that I can do if it’s your broadband connection which crashes, but if Robert should completely freeze or disappear from your session but the other students are still on-screen and not frozen, chances are that it’s us, not you. Should that happen, we suggest the following:
You, not panicking
First and foremost, DON’T PANIC!!
Us, panicking, so that you don’t have to
…We’ll be doing more than enough of that to go round.
You, relaxing
Having established that you’re all there even though we’re not, sit back… relax… have a little chat with each other… give yourself a head massage…whatever you fancy.... safe in the knowledge that we will be doing everything we can to get back to you as soon as humanly possible.
If it looks unlikely that we’ll be able to get back within a few minutes, I’ll call or text you individually, getting to everyone as soon as possible.
If we get connected sooner rather than later, we’ll ask everyone whether you want us to simply pick up where Robert left off and run on a little later to avoid missing material if necessary, or would prefer us to reschedule the remainder of the session.
If we can’t get reconnected within a reasonable time, we’ll contact everyone as soon as possible by whatever means possible to work out what you’d like to do with regard to the remainder of the session.
Essentially, as we hope that you know, we’ll get it sorted, however that may be!
All that we need to do now is work out how to keep the internet elves appeased, that they may continue to smile upon us as they had until Saturday…
Finally, thank you, O Denizens of the Age of Charlemagne, for staying with us during today’s blip, and for your kind patience as Robert re-learned how to breathe, then recollected his sang-froid before re-embarking on things Carolingian [“Aaand I’m taking you over now…”].